Me Big. You Little.

Desiree Burch is bigger and badder than you. Except when she's smaller and better (with more parentheticals than you can handle).

Friday, June 17, 2005

Anglo File

Dude, what is with our American obsession with being abused by Brits? I have just been paying attention to this, sort of connecting the dots from Gordon Ramsay in "Hell's Kitchen" back to the now legendary Simon Cowell, to that Sally Jesse looking chick who hosted The Weakest Link. Even that comedian who hosts "Distraction" on Comedy Central is British, and gets his jollies making people answer questions while taking a (the) piss.

Why? Is it some sort of sado-masochistic twist on our deep-seated anglophilia, morphing our inbred Puritanical guilt with feeling bad for being the prodigal sons of the Revolutionary War and wasting all of their tea? I just find it interesting. It's probably the same thing that makes me wet anytime someone with a British accent starts talking, particularly if they say anything dirty... I used to be a confirmed anglophile, considering them the only proponents of true culture when I was 15... I still kind of feel that way, somewhere. Like we are 17, and they are us at 35.... the irony and gentility that awaits us post-Imperialism. It is quite attractive somehow, even though they are right silly and immature tagging along in this insipid war with us, but no further comments on the kettle from the pot.

At any rate, this gave me a great idea for, of course, another bloodsucking reality T.V. show. I think this submission to the Brits is easily parlayed (at least, initially) into the same for the Aussies, cause honestly, American's can't tell the difference for the most part. Also, there is this Aussie celebrity explosion, and we are fully ready for them to run around our country, beating the shit out of us, and flinging millions at them to make films. SO....

The show is called "Aussie Bob Kicks Your Yankee Ass" and basically, it features some big, hairy-armed mongoloid with a clever, rustic accent, going around to places in the states, you know, McDonald's, JC Penny, IHOP, Six Flags, and just getting into arguments with people about their horrible service, attitudes, etc., and just beating the crap out of people, breaking chairs and bottles, getting roughed up and thrown in jail, etc. Actually we would probably need a team of "Aussie Bobs" so that we could get through the first couple of seasons, alternating who is out on bail. Considering that this is a continent that was originated by British convicts and criminals that were shipped away (to a tropical paradise) to destroy each other and disappear, this idea seems to fit into some magical corner of an ancient international romantic triangle.

This would also provide ample opportunity for the fresh crops of money-grubbing lawyers graduating (who all happen to be my friends and former theatrical costars) to work both their legal and performance chops by being flamboyant litigious divas all over TV about their clients. Our fat asses will be glued to anything that can hold them when that show makes it to prime time.

**The link is to a random Guardian article from a year and a half ago about 'kissing cousins' UK and US. My favorite quote therein, regarding the influence of history on Britain's current seeming supplication to America: 'It did leave something rather chinless behind for a long time..."


At 10:54 AM, Blogger bam34 said...

One interesting thing is that a lot of our big reality shows began as British TV shows (which is how we ended up with Simon and Anne Robinson and all the rest). The British have an innate love of authoritarianism and just adore watching people snivel and be brow-bitten -- I think it's a holdover from the days of colonial pecking orders which has now been transplanted into their educational system. So they send us all of their monsters to try and browbeat Americans. The American Idol contestants however are generally a pluckier breed than their British counterparts and tend to stand up for themselves a bit more. We love standing up for ourselves...

Anyway, I think it's funny to think of Britain in its post-Imperial state as nothing more than a laboratory for experimental pop cultural phenomena that are going to make their way over to America eventually. It's kind of like they have nothing else to do since they have no global influence in the world so they just sit around being ironic, commenting on things, and coming up with ways to amuse themselves. the most successful forms of amusement get sent over here -- where the big money is -- to see if they can play in our market. It's just like when Tony Blair comes over to visit W and tries to sell him on one of his pet ideas, like debt relief for Africa. George will listen but ultimately he has the power. Though it looks like the American contestants are being sliced and diced by the British hosts, in the end its the American producers that are making the killing


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